Reproduction is Greatly Overrated!

I recently posted a little piece of this Blog to discussion group on Craigslist and several of the responses to my posting asked the question, “Just get a divorce, couples with little or no money get divorced all the time.”  One person even said, don’t worry about your wife getting a job, she will have to.  At the very least, welfare will help her support your sons.

The reason I remain married to Jane is to act as a buffer between Jane’s irresponsible behavior and our two sons.  Yes I understand that they will and do still feel the impact of her actions, but it would be so much worse if I was not living in the same house.  I still do not make very much money; therefore if I left, at least a third of my income would go to support a place to live.  That does not leave much to make sure that the boys don’t end up homeless.

Jane’s mind does not work like the rest of us.  She lives her life in the moment without regard for the future or the consequences of her actions.  Though she claims to strive to be mother of the year, an objective analysis would prove that her actions are selfish and aimed at self gratification.  Just because she takes the money meant for next week’s necessities and buys the kids new clothes does not make her selfless.  She is still creating a difficult situation by making it difficult to buy gas, medicine, and milk the last week before payday.

I point all this out because I wanted to ad a bit of humor this blog.  The only child aside from my two sons that I love like my own is Calvin.  I never wanted to be a parent but would not trade my two sons for anything, not even a life without Jane.  Having said that, this morning Sunday comic made me laugh out loud.

Musings Part 1

The one thing I did more than any other thing while I drove this countries highways and byways was muse over how people interact with one another.  Having been married once before becoming a truck driver and engaged during my early years of truck driving, I spent much of those musings on relationships.  The thing what always bothers me was how we as human beings tended to treat those we said we loved the most, the worst.  What I mean by this is; if you stated to a person that you love them enough to spend the rest of your life with them, raise a family, and eventually grow old together, shouldn’t you treat them better than you would a friend, a cousin, or a co-worker.

Anyone reading this can think of an example of what I am discussing here.  We call our spouses or mates names we wouldn’t even call one of our softball buddies.  When was the last time you or someone you know punched out a family member or best friend?  Why is it we will come home from a long hard day at work, tired and crabby and take it out on our beloved mate?  On the other hand, if we meet a bunch of co-workers after the same day for drinks, it’s all smiles and laughs about those things that make you so tetchy in the first place.  Why do we use that one person we once told we love above all else as our personal whipping post, whether figuratively or literally.

I am a man who is in a terrible relationship, but I speak of this from both sides of the isle.  Men abuse their spouse and women use a man’s need to end a conflict as quickly as possible to manipulate their spouse.  Yet at some point and time, early in the relationship we cannot live without each other, and that special someone can do no wrong in your eyes.  Where do we lose sight of the promises made?

Women more so than men romanticize about love, but men have written many a romantic story that make women swoon.  Therefore we all seek romance; that euphoria brought on by a wink, touch, or smile from that special person.  In those wonderful early months, sometimes years of a relationship, there is no darkness.  What changes?

I know we all have responsibilities, jobs, kids, family, in-laws, that can drag on even the best relationship, but why does it have to get ugly for most.  In the early days of our relationship, shortly after our youngest was born I would come home from work miserably crabby.  Only growls would come from my lips, no words were available.  Not because I was unhappy to be home, but because I hated my job so much and would forget to leave it in that dusty yard where I parked my truck.  Jane made it perfectly clear on night that it was not her or the kids’ fault that I was unhappy with my job.  Therefore it was not fair for me to take it out on them as a group or individually.  She was right, it took some rearranging of my basic psyche, but I managed to change my overall mood by the time I got home.  It was a long drive home so I had plenty of time.  I made the change because I remembered my musings and my promises to her in our early days.

Too bad she could not return the favor.  I am not perfect, I make mistakes, and occasionally punish Jane for things she did not do.  However, if things had been different over the last sixteen years, I would very likely be better.  I know in my heart that if I had found what I was looking for, and not what was available, I may be living the fairy tale.  Relationships are bout working through the disagreements and compromising where there is no agreement.  Too often that is not how things are resolved and that is why we lose sight of the fairy tale.  Human beings are a selfish lot and we don’t like to hear the word “no”.  Some of us are less tolerant than others to that simple word, but all of us wish we never had to hear it.  In to many relationships it becomes about how much we have given up, resentment builds, and we forget those vows made so long ago.

I plan never to marry again; the idea didn’t appeal to me the first three times and appeals less now than ever before.  However, if I ever met a mate that can truly compromise and learn to live as a couple, then I may be able to settle down with just that one person and watch her grow old, happily by the way.  I know it’s possible, I have met many a couple that have been together for decades and you can tell by how they interact, they are just as happy today as they were in those wonderful early days of discovery.